I arrived at the vets early Friday morning, it washy last day of work experience and I was sad that it was going to be over, even with all the drama fromWednesday afternoon I still had an amazing time and learnt so much and I know that this is what I want to do with my life.
Dr Charlotte greets me warmly when I walk in the door.
"Morning Zoey, I'm a bit sad that it's your last day today but I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come work here part time next year?" She offers with a smile on her face
"I would love that, thank you" I accept
"Awesome, come see me in the new year and we will organise it once you know your Uni schedule"she tells me, "Oh and before I forget Stephanie Washington is coming back in this afternoon, she's collecting her dog's urn. She asked to time it with when you finish because she wants to take you out for coffee to show her appreciation for the comfort you gave her" She springs this on me and my nerves go into overdrive, why does she want to see me? Is she coming alone? Maybe she's going to tell me they broke up? Maybe she's going to give me in-depth details about how much sex they've been having now that I'm out of the picture?
"Is her boyfriend coming with her too?" I ask Dr Charlotte
"She didn't say. I told her 2pm, is that ok with you?" Dr Charlotte replies as she looks over the day's schedule, she doesn't see the panic on my face.
2pm takes forever to come around and the knot in my stomach is getting bigger and bigger. I'm a ball of nerves when I see Steph walk in at 2, she greets me with a hug and I'm somewhat relieved to see she's alone this time. Dr Charlotte comes out to hand over the urn and I see Steph's face turn from happy to sad in an instant, I put my arm around her shoulders.
"Thank you Zoey" She whispers to me, "Let's go get coffee"
We walk to the cafe across the road, order 2 coffees and find a table to sit at.
"You're such a sweet girl Zoey" She tells me when we sit down
"Thank you, I just felt so heartbroken for you on Wednesday, well for you and your boyfriend" Take her hand and give it a squeeze
"Ex boyfriend actually, we shared the dog when we were together and when she got sick I reached out to him because I thought he should know and she just kept getting worse and I feel so bad that I had to lean on him so much. I'm so sorry Zoey" She says, looking me in the eye.
"He told you who I was?" I ask her surprised
"He told me everything yesterday, Zoey we are not together and I don't want him back I promise you. Angus and I had a very toxic relationship, we kept hurting each other because we both couldn't just break up with the other one, it should of ended when we were in school honestly and he knows that too. We work great as friends though" She explains to me and I feel like such an idiot but it still doesn't excuse the fact that he kept secrets from me.
"Why did he hide the phone calls though?" I ask her
"Because he's an idiot" She laughs, "He thought that by keeping it from you that you wouldn't worry that he was cheating on you, I kept telling him that that was the most stupidest plan ever and any girl sees her boyfriend is receiving calls from his ex and he's hiding it is instantly going to think that he's cheating"
"So he really didn't cheat?" I say in a small voice
"No sweetie he didn't, he loves you, he came to my house the after you dumped him at the airport, he was in tears Zoey, I've never seen Angus cry except for when his parents died, he kept saying how he had fucked it all up, how he wasn't allowed to call you anymore or see you ever again. I kept telling him to go make things right, to explain everything to you. I didn't even know your name, he wouldn't tell me anything about you because he was so afraid I'd come looking for you" She squeezes my hand
"Why wouldn't he come tell me himself? I wanted him to show up at my house every day since I let him go, I wanted him to tell me that I was wrong." I cry
"He said he tried in Del Sol Valley but you wouldn't listen to him" She tells me and I feel so guilty, he did try and I shut him out. I feel like complete shit.
"I miss him Steph, I wanted to call him so many times but I just couldn't, I kept thinking that he was with you and it was best if I just stepped aside" I break down.
"We are going to The Stargazer tonight, Happier is playing, Angus will be there as well as Tess, who I've now learnt is your sister, she's a cool chick. Anyway you should join us, I've just got to take this urn home and get changed" She suggests and that knot forms in my stomach again, I want to see him but I'm so scared too.
"I'll have to change too, I can't wear this" I tell her
"I have the perfect dress for you, I made it last week" She offers
"You make clothes?" I say surprised, I know nothing about Steph outside of what Angus has told me
"I'm a fashion designer for CAS clothing, I create unique custom content clothing" She informs me.
We walk to Steph's house, a small place not too far from my own, she places the urn on the mantle above the fire. I look around the room and see pictures of her and Annabelle, I forgot they were friends. She goes into a room and brings out a red velvet dress, it's absolutely beautiful and it's my size too.
"Go try it on" She urges me and I slip into her bathroom, it fits me like a glove, I walk out to show her and she claps her hands with joy
"Now make up and hair to complete the package" She says excited, I let her work her magic on me and when she's done I almost don't recognise myself, she's played up every feature I have on my face.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask her, I feel like I'm not deserving of such attention.
"Because you were so sweet to me on Wednesday and I feel partly to blame for your break up" She explains hugging me, "You're my friend now Zoey, that's going to piss Angus off I'm sure, his two ex's becoming friends" We both laugh at that thought.
We catch an Uber to The Stargazer around 7, the place is already pumping when we arrive and I feel those nerves start to kick in. We scan the room for where the others are sitting and see Annabelle, Molly and Tess at a table near the dance floor, I feel a bit at ease to approach the table knowing Angus isn't there, I'm still not sure if I'm ready to face him.
"Zoey you're here and you look amazing" Tess cries out
"Thanks, Steph made the dress" I tell her, twirling around
"Fits her so good doesn't it? I'm calling it the 'How I got my ex boyfriend back' dress" Steph announces to the group and that's when I see him walking up to the table, my heart jumps up into my throat, why does he have to look so gorgeous, surely he could have a day where he just looks like trash? That would help with my nerves right now. He pulls Steph in for a hug, not noticing that I'm standing right next to her.
"How you feeling today?" He asks her with a concerned look
"It was tough picking up the urn but I had a comforting friend there to help me through" She tells him
"You saw Zoey again?" He questions her, "How was she?"
"Why don't you ask her?" Steph says, motioning to me and I watch his expression change from concern for Steph to absolute shock when his eyes rest on me.
"Why are you here?" He asks me as if I have no place stepping inside The Stargazer, he got this place in the break up and I'm breaking the rules being here
"Steph invited me, She said 'Happier' were playing tonight" I tell him, my voice shaking
"I'm going to the bar" He tells Steph and he storms off. I wasn't expecting him to be angry.
"Should I go talk to him?" I ask Steph and she nods.
Angus is sitting at the bar, nursing a beer, his face is stormy and I'm scared to approach him but I feel that only I can fix this now.
"Hey" I say, taking the seat next to him, the mixologist approaches me and I order a drink. Angus finally looks up from his drink once mine is place in front of me.
"She's on my tab" He tells the mixologist and she nods and walks away
"You didn't have to do that you know? I don't expect you to pay for my drink." I tell him, pulling money out of my bag and sliding it over to him.
"I don't need your money Zoey" He says, flicking it back to me, I put it back in my bag, "Why are you here?" He asks me again
"Steph and I had coffee this afternoon, we had a really good talk and she cleared some things up for me" I explain
"And what did she clear up for you Zoey? The fact that I'm not the cheating asshole you accused me of being?" His tone is angry but he's not yelling at me.
"I got it wrong and I'm sorry" I can feel my eyes starting to well up, I stare up at the lights hoping the brightness will stop the tears, I don't want to ruin the great job Steph did doing my make up.
"So she pretty much told you the exact same thing I had told you 3 months ago except when I did it I getting fucking left at the airport and she gets to play dress ups with her new best friend and I'm sure you both bonded over how shit I am too" He says, throwing down the last bit of his beer.
"I don't think you're shit Angus, I was angry at you for keeping secrets from me but I never said you were shit, you were a good boyfriend" I tell him, hoping to soften his mood
"I was the bad boyfriend who got cheated on and then I was the good boyfriend who gets dumped, I can't win" He scowls, skipping over the fact that he kept a secret from me.
"I miss you Angus" I say, reaching across to touch his arm.
"And who's fault is that Zoey? If you didn't break up with me then you wouldn't be sitting here telling me that you miss me" He pulls away from my touch
"If you had just been honest with me about the calls and seeing her I wouldn't of broken up with you and we'd still be together" I fire back
"Sure we would be, you would of look for another excuse to end us anyway. You didn't want to be with me Zoey, you just wanted a boyfriend and I just happened to make a move" He accuses me
"I kissed you Angus, that first night we were here together, I made that move first" I remind him
"Yeah and only after I had made it abundantly clear that I was into you. I could have been any guy, you would of just jumped at the chance to have someone shower you with attention or maybe it was that you wanted to get rid of your virginity before going to Uni next year, now you can fuck a whole frat house and have meaningless casual sex" He yells at me.
"Why are you trying to hurt me?" I ask, fighting back the tears but they start falling down my cheeks
"Because you cut me out of your life like I meant nothing to you, 3 months of nothing and then you show up here and want to act like you think we will be all good" He explains, "Did you think I'd just want you back because you put on a dress and some make up? Did you really think I'd forget that you just abandoned me?" He questions me
"I wasn't thinking we'd get back together, I don't even know if I want to" I admit
"What do you want from me Zoey? I gave you the world and you threw it back at me" He says wounded
"We could be friends?" I suggest, I just want him back in my life.
"And how do you think that would work? We hang out together? We see movies and eat meals?" He asks but I can tell he's mocking the idea, he doesn't want me in his life and I'm just wasting my time trying. I finish my drink, grab my bag and get up to leave, I feel deflated and punished, "Are you walking away?" He asks me
"I think I should, I didn't come here to ruin your night and I don't like the way you're speaking to me, I don't feel that I have to just sit there and be belittled by someone who can't admit their own fault in this" I explain to him but I'm unable to move, he has me locked in his gaze.
"This is who you are Zoey, when things get hard you look for an exit, you did it to me the first time you left and I chased after you" He reminds me and I sit back down, he's right, any bit of conflict and I leave. He orders another drink, a Rum and Coke this time and a Vodka soda for me.
"I don't like fighting" I explain
"Nobody likes fighting Zoey but you can't just bolt each time a conflict arises" His tone has soften, almost comforting, "I had all these plans for us, I wanted to live with you next year which, for me, is a pretty big step considering the last person I wanted to live with decided to fuck my best friend" He looks at me with such pain
"Angus I wanted that too, I wanted to be with you but just you" I tell him and he looks at me confused
"I wanted to be with just you too" He replies
"I felt like everything I did with you was constantly being compared to Steph, she did it this way or she did that, it felt like I was in a relationship with you and her and I wanted to be the first at something, like you were for me. I had no one to compare you to and I liked that, you were my first everything, my first boyfriend, my first lover, the first guy I ever gave my heart to and it broke me to lose you. So many times I wanted to call you or tell you about something funny that happened that day and I couldn't because I had set you free, I stepped aside" I say, crying into my drink.
"You could have contacted me Zoey" He tells me
"You could of contacted me too Angus but you let me walk away" I tell him
"You told me not to contact you, you were pretty direct about that remember?" He reminds me and I feel this guilty pain stab at my heart, I had told him to never contact me again. I don't want to beg him for friendship though, I don't want it to feel forced.
"If I could back to that day and change it I would, in a heartbeat, I regret so much now" I let the guilt wash over me as he sits there drinking his rum, I don't even think he cares that I'm upset though.
"I'm going to go home" He announces as he finishes his drink
"Ok" I reply completely deflated, I should have stayed home, then no one would of had their night ruined
"Do you want to come?" He asks in all honesty
"Are you going to belittle me more and make me feel like shit?" I ask
"I wasn't planning on it, I have something of yours at my house that you may need next week" He explain and I know instantly that he is referring to my formal dress, the one he bought for me.
"You still have that?" I say surprised
"Well what was I going to do with it Zoey? It's yours, it has always been yours and You deserve it back so you can wear it on Tuesday night" He remembered when the formal was, or Tess and Cassie reminded him
"I don't even know if I'll go" I tell him
"Why would you not go?" He asks, shocked
"Because Tess has Declan and Cassie and Sam are on the verge of getting together, they've had a few dates now that school is done and she's made her feelings known and I'll be like this giant fifth wheel who just sits alone and drinks the the fruit punch and doesn't dance" I tell him, I now I sound pathetic, so many girls will be alone that night and will still be having fun.
"Well I still need you to take the dress because it's taking up room in my closet and I need it gone" He says, standing up to leave.
"Fine, I will come and get it now if that will make you happy" I too stand up and start walking towards the exit.
The air outside is warm with a light breeze, perfect October weather and such a vast difference from the last time I was doing this walk to his apartment. He walks at a faster pace than me, always staying 4 steps in front and I almost feel like I have to jog to keep up. I'm so unfit now, 3 months without cardio and I've forgotten how to run. He reaches the elevator before me and groans that he had to hold the door open so I could catch up. He opens the door to his apartment and all the memories flood back in, he throws his keys on the bar, just like he did when I was here before and starts making his way up the stairs but stops when hears his name being called from the bedroom on the bottom floor
"Angus?" A sweet sounding voice calls out
"Yeah it's me, I came home early" He calls back, reversing his original path up the stairs and walks over to the bedroom, I don't know it I should follow him or just wait near the bar.
"What happened?" The voice asks concerned
"Long story but I brought someone home" He tells her
"You didn't? Angus it's one thing for you to be going out and getting wasted to forget her but bringing home random girls from the bar is sleazy and disgusting, have some respect for yourself and for that poor girl who is no doubt just standing out there waiting for you" She chastises him
"Come meet her" He coaxes her out of the room and I see that she is a beautiful blonde woman, around 40 but has kept herself in great shape and looks amazing.
"I'm so sorry for my brother, he's not himself lately and he shouldn't have brought you here to disrespect you" She apologises and I realise that this is Imogen
"Immie this is Zoey" He laughs
"This is Zoey? The Zoey?" She questions him and he nods, "I'm so sorry sweetie, I thought you were just some girl he picked up at the bar, I raised him better than to be a manwhore. You're pretty, he said you were pretty but now I'm seeing it for myself" Imogen says, embracing me in a giant, warm hug
"Immie loves getting all parental on me" Angus explains to me, his mood has lifted a lot.
"Well if I didn't you would of been out there impregnating half of San Myshuno like Caleb does" She pokes him in the ribs laughing, "Oh Zoey, it's so good to finally meet you, you were all he would talk about when I was away" She says, hugging me again, I'm so surprised that she's being so warm and inviting to me considering Angus says I abandoned him and Steph says I broke him.
"Zoey is here for her formal dress" Angus tells Imogen
"Oh you must be so excited for formal. I remember my formal like it was yesterday, I went with your step dad Don, we danced all night and I lost my virginity that night...which is more information than either of you ever wanted to know" She says blushing and I have to stifle a giggle.
"Thanks for that image" Angus tells her, running off up the stairs, I walk slowly behind him.
"Do you want a snack?" Imogen calls out to us
"Only if you're making it anyway" I hear him call back and she joins me on the stairs, we reach the top, I head towards his bedroom and she goes to the kitchen. Angus has already pulled the box with my dress inside out of his closet by the time I get into the room and has placed it on his bed.
"Thank you again for keeping it" I say, I feel like I should hug him to show gratitude but I don't think he would very welcoming to the idea of me touching him ever again
"Like I said, it's taking up room and I need it gone" He say coldly, yep, not open to a hug.
Imogen appears in the doorway, strawberries and cream in hand.
"Let's eat" She says, ushering us to the dining table. We sit in silence for a while, enjoying the strawberries dipped in cream until she breaks the ice, "You must be relieved to be finished school now Zoey?" She asks me and Angus looks at me as if he's only just realised I'm finally finished
"Oh yeah, the exams were so stressful but I studied hard leading up to them and I think I did well, I won't know for certain until December when they release the results" I tell her
"And Angus said you were doing work experience at the vets near your house, how did that go?" She pushes on with her questioning as he sit there eating his strawberries but listening to my every word
"I loved it, Dr Charlotte said I did really good, that I showed kindness and compassion and she offered me part time work for next year once I find out my uni schedule so I'm really happy with that" I explain.
"Yeah, Angus said you were so sweet to Steph on Thursday, that poor girl, what a nightmare, having to put her dog down" Imogen says sadly
"Nortica was my dog too" Angus interjects
"I know she was and I feel bad for you too Gus" she says, taking his hand
"I'm sorry too Angus, about Nortica, I know how much you missed her and how sad you got when we saw 'Lost Dogs Journey Home'" I reach across the table to take his other hand but he pulls it away, Imogen sees it all and she gives him a stern look, he reaches his hand across the table and gabs mine in his
"Sorry Zoey" He mumbles his fake apology, like a kid on the playground who has been forced into it
It's getting late when i announce I should be going, I have no idea how I'm going to take my dress on the train or how I'm even going to manage to get to the station in the dark.
"Gus when was your last drink?" Imgon quizzes him
"2 hours ago, I had a rum and coke and a light beer tonight, I swear that's all I've had Immie" He tells her like he's going to get into trouble for drinking
"You should be right to drive, take Zoey home" She demands
"I'm ok to catch the train"I plead with her
"Ugh no you're not Zoey, I told you so many times that the train isn't safe this time of night, go get your dress and I'll drop you home" He says annoyed but I do as he asks and we leave together in his car. We travel in silence the whole way, me looking out the window at the trees coming into bloom for spring and he doesn't try to touch my knee or grab my hand. We reach my house and he he carries the box with my dress inside to the door and lingers for a moment.
"Thank you for bringing me home Angus" I tell him
"If you had been murdered on the train then Tess would never of let me hear the end of it" He says coldly and we stand there again in awkward silence.
"Well Goodnight" I say after a minute
"Night Zoey, I'll see you Monday afternoon"
"Monday afternoon?"
"For training and don't think that I'm going to go easy on you because you didn't show up for 3 months either" H warns me before turning around and walking back to his car
Dr Charlotte greets me warmly when I walk in the door.
"Morning Zoey, I'm a bit sad that it's your last day today but I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come work here part time next year?" She offers with a smile on her face
"I would love that, thank you" I accept
"Awesome, come see me in the new year and we will organise it once you know your Uni schedule"she tells me, "Oh and before I forget Stephanie Washington is coming back in this afternoon, she's collecting her dog's urn. She asked to time it with when you finish because she wants to take you out for coffee to show her appreciation for the comfort you gave her" She springs this on me and my nerves go into overdrive, why does she want to see me? Is she coming alone? Maybe she's going to tell me they broke up? Maybe she's going to give me in-depth details about how much sex they've been having now that I'm out of the picture?
"Is her boyfriend coming with her too?" I ask Dr Charlotte
"She didn't say. I told her 2pm, is that ok with you?" Dr Charlotte replies as she looks over the day's schedule, she doesn't see the panic on my face.
2pm takes forever to come around and the knot in my stomach is getting bigger and bigger. I'm a ball of nerves when I see Steph walk in at 2, she greets me with a hug and I'm somewhat relieved to see she's alone this time. Dr Charlotte comes out to hand over the urn and I see Steph's face turn from happy to sad in an instant, I put my arm around her shoulders.
"Thank you Zoey" She whispers to me, "Let's go get coffee"
We walk to the cafe across the road, order 2 coffees and find a table to sit at.
"You're such a sweet girl Zoey" She tells me when we sit down
"Thank you, I just felt so heartbroken for you on Wednesday, well for you and your boyfriend" Take her hand and give it a squeeze
"Ex boyfriend actually, we shared the dog when we were together and when she got sick I reached out to him because I thought he should know and she just kept getting worse and I feel so bad that I had to lean on him so much. I'm so sorry Zoey" She says, looking me in the eye.
"He told you who I was?" I ask her surprised
"He told me everything yesterday, Zoey we are not together and I don't want him back I promise you. Angus and I had a very toxic relationship, we kept hurting each other because we both couldn't just break up with the other one, it should of ended when we were in school honestly and he knows that too. We work great as friends though" She explains to me and I feel like such an idiot but it still doesn't excuse the fact that he kept secrets from me.
"Why did he hide the phone calls though?" I ask her
"Because he's an idiot" She laughs, "He thought that by keeping it from you that you wouldn't worry that he was cheating on you, I kept telling him that that was the most stupidest plan ever and any girl sees her boyfriend is receiving calls from his ex and he's hiding it is instantly going to think that he's cheating"
"So he really didn't cheat?" I say in a small voice
"No sweetie he didn't, he loves you, he came to my house the after you dumped him at the airport, he was in tears Zoey, I've never seen Angus cry except for when his parents died, he kept saying how he had fucked it all up, how he wasn't allowed to call you anymore or see you ever again. I kept telling him to go make things right, to explain everything to you. I didn't even know your name, he wouldn't tell me anything about you because he was so afraid I'd come looking for you" She squeezes my hand
"Why wouldn't he come tell me himself? I wanted him to show up at my house every day since I let him go, I wanted him to tell me that I was wrong." I cry
"He said he tried in Del Sol Valley but you wouldn't listen to him" She tells me and I feel so guilty, he did try and I shut him out. I feel like complete shit.
"I miss him Steph, I wanted to call him so many times but I just couldn't, I kept thinking that he was with you and it was best if I just stepped aside" I break down.
"We are going to The Stargazer tonight, Happier is playing, Angus will be there as well as Tess, who I've now learnt is your sister, she's a cool chick. Anyway you should join us, I've just got to take this urn home and get changed" She suggests and that knot forms in my stomach again, I want to see him but I'm so scared too.
"I'll have to change too, I can't wear this" I tell her
"I have the perfect dress for you, I made it last week" She offers
"You make clothes?" I say surprised, I know nothing about Steph outside of what Angus has told me
"I'm a fashion designer for CAS clothing, I create unique custom content clothing" She informs me.
We walk to Steph's house, a small place not too far from my own, she places the urn on the mantle above the fire. I look around the room and see pictures of her and Annabelle, I forgot they were friends. She goes into a room and brings out a red velvet dress, it's absolutely beautiful and it's my size too.
"Go try it on" She urges me and I slip into her bathroom, it fits me like a glove, I walk out to show her and she claps her hands with joy
"Now make up and hair to complete the package" She says excited, I let her work her magic on me and when she's done I almost don't recognise myself, she's played up every feature I have on my face.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask her, I feel like I'm not deserving of such attention.
"Because you were so sweet to me on Wednesday and I feel partly to blame for your break up" She explains hugging me, "You're my friend now Zoey, that's going to piss Angus off I'm sure, his two ex's becoming friends" We both laugh at that thought.
We catch an Uber to The Stargazer around 7, the place is already pumping when we arrive and I feel those nerves start to kick in. We scan the room for where the others are sitting and see Annabelle, Molly and Tess at a table near the dance floor, I feel a bit at ease to approach the table knowing Angus isn't there, I'm still not sure if I'm ready to face him.
"Zoey you're here and you look amazing" Tess cries out
"Thanks, Steph made the dress" I tell her, twirling around
"Fits her so good doesn't it? I'm calling it the 'How I got my ex boyfriend back' dress" Steph announces to the group and that's when I see him walking up to the table, my heart jumps up into my throat, why does he have to look so gorgeous, surely he could have a day where he just looks like trash? That would help with my nerves right now. He pulls Steph in for a hug, not noticing that I'm standing right next to her.
"How you feeling today?" He asks her with a concerned look
"It was tough picking up the urn but I had a comforting friend there to help me through" She tells him
"You saw Zoey again?" He questions her, "How was she?"
"Why don't you ask her?" Steph says, motioning to me and I watch his expression change from concern for Steph to absolute shock when his eyes rest on me.
"Why are you here?" He asks me as if I have no place stepping inside The Stargazer, he got this place in the break up and I'm breaking the rules being here
"Steph invited me, She said 'Happier' were playing tonight" I tell him, my voice shaking
"I'm going to the bar" He tells Steph and he storms off. I wasn't expecting him to be angry.
"Should I go talk to him?" I ask Steph and she nods.
Angus is sitting at the bar, nursing a beer, his face is stormy and I'm scared to approach him but I feel that only I can fix this now.
"Hey" I say, taking the seat next to him, the mixologist approaches me and I order a drink. Angus finally looks up from his drink once mine is place in front of me.
"She's on my tab" He tells the mixologist and she nods and walks away
"You didn't have to do that you know? I don't expect you to pay for my drink." I tell him, pulling money out of my bag and sliding it over to him.
"I don't need your money Zoey" He says, flicking it back to me, I put it back in my bag, "Why are you here?" He asks me again
"Steph and I had coffee this afternoon, we had a really good talk and she cleared some things up for me" I explain
"And what did she clear up for you Zoey? The fact that I'm not the cheating asshole you accused me of being?" His tone is angry but he's not yelling at me.
"I got it wrong and I'm sorry" I can feel my eyes starting to well up, I stare up at the lights hoping the brightness will stop the tears, I don't want to ruin the great job Steph did doing my make up.
"So she pretty much told you the exact same thing I had told you 3 months ago except when I did it I getting fucking left at the airport and she gets to play dress ups with her new best friend and I'm sure you both bonded over how shit I am too" He says, throwing down the last bit of his beer.
"I don't think you're shit Angus, I was angry at you for keeping secrets from me but I never said you were shit, you were a good boyfriend" I tell him, hoping to soften his mood
"I was the bad boyfriend who got cheated on and then I was the good boyfriend who gets dumped, I can't win" He scowls, skipping over the fact that he kept a secret from me.
"I miss you Angus" I say, reaching across to touch his arm.
"And who's fault is that Zoey? If you didn't break up with me then you wouldn't be sitting here telling me that you miss me" He pulls away from my touch
"If you had just been honest with me about the calls and seeing her I wouldn't of broken up with you and we'd still be together" I fire back
"Sure we would be, you would of look for another excuse to end us anyway. You didn't want to be with me Zoey, you just wanted a boyfriend and I just happened to make a move" He accuses me
"I kissed you Angus, that first night we were here together, I made that move first" I remind him
"Yeah and only after I had made it abundantly clear that I was into you. I could have been any guy, you would of just jumped at the chance to have someone shower you with attention or maybe it was that you wanted to get rid of your virginity before going to Uni next year, now you can fuck a whole frat house and have meaningless casual sex" He yells at me.
"Why are you trying to hurt me?" I ask, fighting back the tears but they start falling down my cheeks
"Because you cut me out of your life like I meant nothing to you, 3 months of nothing and then you show up here and want to act like you think we will be all good" He explains, "Did you think I'd just want you back because you put on a dress and some make up? Did you really think I'd forget that you just abandoned me?" He questions me
"I wasn't thinking we'd get back together, I don't even know if I want to" I admit
"What do you want from me Zoey? I gave you the world and you threw it back at me" He says wounded
"We could be friends?" I suggest, I just want him back in my life.
"And how do you think that would work? We hang out together? We see movies and eat meals?" He asks but I can tell he's mocking the idea, he doesn't want me in his life and I'm just wasting my time trying. I finish my drink, grab my bag and get up to leave, I feel deflated and punished, "Are you walking away?" He asks me
"I think I should, I didn't come here to ruin your night and I don't like the way you're speaking to me, I don't feel that I have to just sit there and be belittled by someone who can't admit their own fault in this" I explain to him but I'm unable to move, he has me locked in his gaze.
"This is who you are Zoey, when things get hard you look for an exit, you did it to me the first time you left and I chased after you" He reminds me and I sit back down, he's right, any bit of conflict and I leave. He orders another drink, a Rum and Coke this time and a Vodka soda for me.
"I don't like fighting" I explain
"Nobody likes fighting Zoey but you can't just bolt each time a conflict arises" His tone has soften, almost comforting, "I had all these plans for us, I wanted to live with you next year which, for me, is a pretty big step considering the last person I wanted to live with decided to fuck my best friend" He looks at me with such pain
"Angus I wanted that too, I wanted to be with you but just you" I tell him and he looks at me confused
"I wanted to be with just you too" He replies
"I felt like everything I did with you was constantly being compared to Steph, she did it this way or she did that, it felt like I was in a relationship with you and her and I wanted to be the first at something, like you were for me. I had no one to compare you to and I liked that, you were my first everything, my first boyfriend, my first lover, the first guy I ever gave my heart to and it broke me to lose you. So many times I wanted to call you or tell you about something funny that happened that day and I couldn't because I had set you free, I stepped aside" I say, crying into my drink.
"You could have contacted me Zoey" He tells me
"You could of contacted me too Angus but you let me walk away" I tell him
"You told me not to contact you, you were pretty direct about that remember?" He reminds me and I feel this guilty pain stab at my heart, I had told him to never contact me again. I don't want to beg him for friendship though, I don't want it to feel forced.
"If I could back to that day and change it I would, in a heartbeat, I regret so much now" I let the guilt wash over me as he sits there drinking his rum, I don't even think he cares that I'm upset though.
"I'm going to go home" He announces as he finishes his drink
"Ok" I reply completely deflated, I should have stayed home, then no one would of had their night ruined
"Do you want to come?" He asks in all honesty
"Are you going to belittle me more and make me feel like shit?" I ask
"I wasn't planning on it, I have something of yours at my house that you may need next week" He explain and I know instantly that he is referring to my formal dress, the one he bought for me.
"You still have that?" I say surprised
"Well what was I going to do with it Zoey? It's yours, it has always been yours and You deserve it back so you can wear it on Tuesday night" He remembered when the formal was, or Tess and Cassie reminded him
"I don't even know if I'll go" I tell him
"Why would you not go?" He asks, shocked
"Because Tess has Declan and Cassie and Sam are on the verge of getting together, they've had a few dates now that school is done and she's made her feelings known and I'll be like this giant fifth wheel who just sits alone and drinks the the fruit punch and doesn't dance" I tell him, I now I sound pathetic, so many girls will be alone that night and will still be having fun.
"Well I still need you to take the dress because it's taking up room in my closet and I need it gone" He says, standing up to leave.
"Fine, I will come and get it now if that will make you happy" I too stand up and start walking towards the exit.
The air outside is warm with a light breeze, perfect October weather and such a vast difference from the last time I was doing this walk to his apartment. He walks at a faster pace than me, always staying 4 steps in front and I almost feel like I have to jog to keep up. I'm so unfit now, 3 months without cardio and I've forgotten how to run. He reaches the elevator before me and groans that he had to hold the door open so I could catch up. He opens the door to his apartment and all the memories flood back in, he throws his keys on the bar, just like he did when I was here before and starts making his way up the stairs but stops when hears his name being called from the bedroom on the bottom floor
"Angus?" A sweet sounding voice calls out
"Yeah it's me, I came home early" He calls back, reversing his original path up the stairs and walks over to the bedroom, I don't know it I should follow him or just wait near the bar.
"What happened?" The voice asks concerned
"Long story but I brought someone home" He tells her
"You didn't? Angus it's one thing for you to be going out and getting wasted to forget her but bringing home random girls from the bar is sleazy and disgusting, have some respect for yourself and for that poor girl who is no doubt just standing out there waiting for you" She chastises him
"Come meet her" He coaxes her out of the room and I see that she is a beautiful blonde woman, around 40 but has kept herself in great shape and looks amazing.
"I'm so sorry for my brother, he's not himself lately and he shouldn't have brought you here to disrespect you" She apologises and I realise that this is Imogen
"Immie this is Zoey" He laughs
"This is Zoey? The Zoey?" She questions him and he nods, "I'm so sorry sweetie, I thought you were just some girl he picked up at the bar, I raised him better than to be a manwhore. You're pretty, he said you were pretty but now I'm seeing it for myself" Imogen says, embracing me in a giant, warm hug
"Immie loves getting all parental on me" Angus explains to me, his mood has lifted a lot.
"Well if I didn't you would of been out there impregnating half of San Myshuno like Caleb does" She pokes him in the ribs laughing, "Oh Zoey, it's so good to finally meet you, you were all he would talk about when I was away" She says, hugging me again, I'm so surprised that she's being so warm and inviting to me considering Angus says I abandoned him and Steph says I broke him.
"Zoey is here for her formal dress" Angus tells Imogen
"Oh you must be so excited for formal. I remember my formal like it was yesterday, I went with your step dad Don, we danced all night and I lost my virginity that night...which is more information than either of you ever wanted to know" She says blushing and I have to stifle a giggle.
"Thanks for that image" Angus tells her, running off up the stairs, I walk slowly behind him.
"Do you want a snack?" Imogen calls out to us
"Only if you're making it anyway" I hear him call back and she joins me on the stairs, we reach the top, I head towards his bedroom and she goes to the kitchen. Angus has already pulled the box with my dress inside out of his closet by the time I get into the room and has placed it on his bed.
"Thank you again for keeping it" I say, I feel like I should hug him to show gratitude but I don't think he would very welcoming to the idea of me touching him ever again
"Like I said, it's taking up room and I need it gone" He say coldly, yep, not open to a hug.
Imogen appears in the doorway, strawberries and cream in hand.
"Let's eat" She says, ushering us to the dining table. We sit in silence for a while, enjoying the strawberries dipped in cream until she breaks the ice, "You must be relieved to be finished school now Zoey?" She asks me and Angus looks at me as if he's only just realised I'm finally finished
"Oh yeah, the exams were so stressful but I studied hard leading up to them and I think I did well, I won't know for certain until December when they release the results" I tell her
"And Angus said you were doing work experience at the vets near your house, how did that go?" She pushes on with her questioning as he sit there eating his strawberries but listening to my every word
"I loved it, Dr Charlotte said I did really good, that I showed kindness and compassion and she offered me part time work for next year once I find out my uni schedule so I'm really happy with that" I explain.
"Yeah, Angus said you were so sweet to Steph on Thursday, that poor girl, what a nightmare, having to put her dog down" Imogen says sadly
"Nortica was my dog too" Angus interjects
"I know she was and I feel bad for you too Gus" she says, taking his hand
"I'm sorry too Angus, about Nortica, I know how much you missed her and how sad you got when we saw 'Lost Dogs Journey Home'" I reach across the table to take his other hand but he pulls it away, Imogen sees it all and she gives him a stern look, he reaches his hand across the table and gabs mine in his
"Sorry Zoey" He mumbles his fake apology, like a kid on the playground who has been forced into it
It's getting late when i announce I should be going, I have no idea how I'm going to take my dress on the train or how I'm even going to manage to get to the station in the dark.
"Gus when was your last drink?" Imgon quizzes him
"2 hours ago, I had a rum and coke and a light beer tonight, I swear that's all I've had Immie" He tells her like he's going to get into trouble for drinking
"You should be right to drive, take Zoey home" She demands
"I'm ok to catch the train"I plead with her
"Ugh no you're not Zoey, I told you so many times that the train isn't safe this time of night, go get your dress and I'll drop you home" He says annoyed but I do as he asks and we leave together in his car. We travel in silence the whole way, me looking out the window at the trees coming into bloom for spring and he doesn't try to touch my knee or grab my hand. We reach my house and he he carries the box with my dress inside to the door and lingers for a moment.
"Thank you for bringing me home Angus" I tell him
"If you had been murdered on the train then Tess would never of let me hear the end of it" He says coldly and we stand there again in awkward silence.
"Well Goodnight" I say after a minute
"Night Zoey, I'll see you Monday afternoon"
"Monday afternoon?"
"For training and don't think that I'm going to go easy on you because you didn't show up for 3 months either" H warns me before turning around and walking back to his car
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